Monday, July 28, 2008

Never Say ,"I told you so!"

Are you wondering why your sister, your child, your spouse or a co-worker reacts negatively to you?
Are you one of those people who love to see someone else mess up? Are you the first to say, in a triumphant tone, “I told you so!" One of the cruelest things you can do is to kick someone who is down, who has made a mistake, or otherwise made a mess of things. Perhaps, deep down, this is the good feeling we get when we discover we were right. But the good feeling only precedes the sorrow that comes with broken trust and damaged relationships.

Last summer, when I was upset over a mistake I had made, a cousin said, "Well, Peggy, if you had done like we told you, you wouldn't be having this problem!" In other words, she used the old, invalidating, blaming words we have all heard to many times, "I told you so!" It was often the favorite of our parents.
I seemed to me that my cousin was gloating over my misery and her opportunity to feel superior. How we love to be right! The truth is, sooner or later, we will make a mistake and be on the receiving end of such heartlessness.

How much more loving it would have been for her to say, “I’m sorry you are having this problem; I know you must be disappointed, or better, yet, “How can I help?”

Love and blessings,
Peggy G.

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